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#1

You're already off to a bad start. They're running over 15 minutes late. They just text you“be there soon!"you text back:

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  • “sure no prob take your time”

  • “trouble finding parking? there’s a garage down the street.”

  • “but what’s your actual eta on the gps?”

  • “if traffic sucks let’s just reschedule”

  • “you have 5 more min – then i’m leaving”

  • Text nothing and just leave

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#2

And now they're here! In your dream hell-scape, what's the worst thing that could happen to make this first impression truly suck?

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    They're underdressed
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    BAD BREATH
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    They look nothing like their picture
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    They're overly affectionate right off the bat

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#3

Your date will not get off his phone for anything! RUDE. What do you do?

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  • Break out your phone, catch up on your e-mails.

  • Ask what’s so interesting on there

  • Offer your phone to show them a video of a kitty and turtle that are friends.

  • Politely let them know that it bothers you

  • Grab their phone and shut it off or drop it in your water, whatever moves me.

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#4

Now your date has started bragging all about themselves. They're super egotistical, materialistic, and shallow. Gross. How do you feel? What do you do?

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  • It’s not ideal, but it’s not a total deal breaker

  • It depends on what they’re bragging about. Their job? They get a pass. Literal things? GET A LIFE!

  • Remind them that life isn’t about money or material posessions

  • Wink, and ask what they’d like to buy you as a present

  • Am I supposed to feel bad about it? That’s a turn on!

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#5

Cool, now let's just add the world's worst table manners to this mix. Don't dry heave! What do you want to do next?

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  • Give them your napkin

  • Tell them they have something on their face

  • Go “excuse you!” after they belch loudly

  • Dig into a giant stack of baby back ribs and buffalo wings. When in Rome!

  • It’s fine, but we draw the line at them eating off of my plate

  • Sheepishly mouth “sorry” to the server

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#6

Nothing's technically wrong, but they're ONLY talking about themselves. And they won't stop talking! Fix this! What's your move?

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  • Interject with fun stories about you and your life

  • Ask them follow up questions. Maybe they’ll take the hint?

  • Zone out but still pepper the conversation with key phrases like “Really?” and “That’s crazy!”

  • Ignore them, do something else

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